As I stated in my last post, these past few days/weeks/however long its been has been really good to me. I’ve been allowing myself to take up space, both physically and figuratively, and letting myself feel joy and goodness and warmth so powerful it nearly overtakes me. Things that seem ever so simple, but have always been a struggle for me. I’ve been learning to stop second-guessing what makes me feel good. If I want a cookie, I eat a cookie. If I want to go out, I go out. If I want to stay in, I stay in. Choices that seem so obvious, but for whatever reason seem so hard to make. I’ve learned to ride the waves of life and just let it happen. Letting it all become easy, has been far from easy. Its a constant and conscious effort to stop myself from searching for a reason, an “oh I have more energy because I’ve been eating more of this and less of that,” or “Oh I must be happy because I’ve been spending more time with friend-x, -y, or -z, and based on our natal charts we are wicked compatible, so he/she/they must be the love of my life and we must get married so I absolutely cannot mess this up or say one wrong thing at all or else my life is ruined.” Basically, I jump to conclusions. Drastic conclusions. Rapidly. Don’t get me wrong, a healthy diet and time spent with good people could definitely be, and actually is most likely, contributing to this upward spiral I seem to be in. I acknowledge that. But I am learning that it is super unhealthy for me personally, to get so fixated on the why and how, and make it an obsession. Its a control thing really. Control is good when needed, but if things are good the way they just happen, maybe I should let them just happen. Good feelings won’t last forever, and I know that. But I have made a decision to not worry about the decline until it begins.